General, Recommendations

Hayes Wicker: Shepherding the Shepherd 2013 – Breakout Session

Hayes Wicker have been married for 37 years. Hayes Wicker has served as senior pastor of First Baptist Church of Naples, Fla., since 1992. He has a master’s degree and a doctorate from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. Wicker spoke on “How a Pastor Can Shepherd His Wife” from Psalm 23 and Psalm 107. He tells pastors that “the most important sheep in your flock is your wife.”

The audio to the message can be heard here.

How a Pastor Can Shepherd His Wife” from Psalm 23 and Psalm 107:41

I. Lead like the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:1-4)

  1. A. Shepherd/Husbands are sheep who know the Good Shepherd. (John 10:1-4)

i. Sheep need “the Good Shepherd”

ii. The Good Shepherd knows His sheep.

B. Shepherd/Husbands evaluate their shepherding (Psalm 23).

i. A Shepherding Checklist from Psalm 23

    1. Am I trusting the Lord to Shepherd me?
    2. Am I able to give my wife what I have already received?
    3. Am I trying to meet needs in her that only God can meet?
      1. The math of marriage: 1 sinner + 1 sinner = 2 sinners
    4. Am I experiencing God’s peace and leading my wife into green pastures?
    5. Am I personally in need of restoration?
    6. Am I leading for the Lord or for my own glory?
    7. Am I preparing my wife for aging and death?
    8. Am I properly responding to conflict and walking in the power of the Spirit?
    9. Am I experiencing the overflow or the undertow?

II. Be an example to the flock (1 Peter 5:3-4)

A. Be humble and teachable

Being the right person is more important than finding the right person.

B. Overcome failure

C. Be fired up instead of burned out

D. Allow your wife to polish you

E. Live a pure life

F. Foster mutual submission

G. Learn to give thanks

III. Provide for your “ewe” (Jeremiah 23:1-4)

A. Be aware of how you can scatter her

B. Become a student of your wife (1Peter 3:7)

i. Live with her.

– Many marital problems are really parenting problems

– Husbands tend to over-invest into children and under-invest into their wife.

ii. Be understanding

iii. For Prayer

C. Know love language and pursue romance

D. Help her be positive

E. Affirm her priority

F. Affirm her worth as a part of the ministry team (Romans 16:3-4; Psalm 27:4)

G. Give the gift of time

– Marriage is not a highlight film

– Marriage is play-by-play long drive down the field

H. Be relentlessly encouraging

i. God is doing more than we can see or know right now

ii. There are more saints than stinkers in the church

iii. There is more Grace than what this situation will need.

IV. Protect your “ewe” from “wolves” (Acts 20:28-29)

A. Learn what information to share with her

B. Guard against people-pleasing

– If you please God it does not matter who you displease- Adrian Rodgers.

C. Defend her by being ram tough

D. Develop contentment

E. Protect her sense of security concerning the future

F. Help her to walk through church conflict

G. Learn to serve to meet her needs

H. Control your anger

I. Be patient with her shortcomings

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